Trying to make someone like you is exhausting. Each time i make allowances I sink lower and lower. Im so desperate like some little girl waving my arms and screaming "notice me, please?"
I have to accept the fact he doesn't like me, won't ever like me and has never liked me. He has made it clear in his past actions but I was just in denial.
So many times I have been overlooked or forgotten. Did I really think things would change if we started dating? I'm not going to put myself in that situation. I'm not mad at him. He hasn't led me on just treated me like a friend and I was always wishing for more. I sent him a Valentine and he ignored it. How much more clearer could he have been.
From now on I'm looking toward the furture. It's more exciting this way rather than dwelling on him. who knows maybe I'll meet someone today, or tomorrow, or weeks, or months from now. Either way it will be a surprise and that's exciting.
For now I will focus on school work and writing. I have been slacking too much lately. Putting all my energy into making him like me. I ordered two classic Nintendo games he mentioned from his childhood. We were going to play them and then he forgot about it. whatever.
Its hard to keep positive though because my best friend is getting married in a few months. All kinds of talk about dresses and love. And i'm just here by myself, alone.
I've been watching Parks and Recreations on Netflix. On the 3rd season so far and it's making me crave waffles.
